It just clicked

I have wanted to run for a long time but I always have excuses not to. I know what I need to do and I know how to justify not doing it. I have come up with every reason I can think of to get myself to run and then made those reasons not mean a thing to me. So why is this time different? Two reasons I think. One, I'm not alone and two, I have stopped running for other people.

I have only committed to running again about a week ago. I have ran 3 times and not one of these times have I ran without an experience/knowledgeable runner. It is amazing what some sincere encouragement will do. On top of that to have someone talking you through and giving you tips on form and breathing really has made the first three runs great. I know that not all my runs will be good and some will really just suck. I also know that I will not be able to run with someone every time I go. But, for now, I will cling to my new running club for support, encouragement, information and as an avenue of accountability. Thank you F'N Runners for being such a great group of people.

The idea running for other people just sounds stupid doesn't it? It seems like an odd reason to run. It doesn't make sense especially because I would usually try to run alone. How do you run for other people when you don't run with other people? I tried to run so that I could teach my daughter a healthier life. I tried to run to have something in common with certain people. I tried to run because my church was trying to raise money for children in Kenya. I tried to run to prove I could to everyone, including myself. Those, my friends, are not good motivators. I was so worried about failing that it was all I could think about. And when all you can think about is failing, that is exactly what you do. So you can guess my outcome for the last 13 attempts at running over a number of years.

This time it is different. This time my motivation isn't for someone else. It isn't a means to the end, for example, run b/c I will loose weight. This time, running itself is the motivator and the end goal. I just want to run. Yes I would love to finish a 1/2 marathon or run a 5k in under 30 minutes and loose a significant amount of weight. But most of all, I want to push my limits. I want to go out in the cold and push until I sweat. I want to feel the adrenaline rush of finding out how fast (or slow) I was today. I even found myself enjoying the sound of my feet on the road (although it was very quiet sound since I had pretty good form today) and the sound my breathing.

I never "got" that before. All of the things I hated about running are the reasons I want to go run now. Before last week, when I was stressed I never, ever once thought "I just really want to get away and run". And there were a few times this week I actually got antsy to get out and run. And those times I couldn't, I got kind of upset to be honest.

I wish I knew what clicked and made me realize that the best motivation for me to run is to simply enjoy running. But I'm glad it clicked. I'm glad one of best friends kept encouraging me to try again and again. Most importantly, I'm glad I realize I can't hope that it sticks with me, I have to stick with it.

Thank you Maggie Wolff for telling me to just try and for telling me blog about it. My day started and ended great due to your influence. I finally get it.

Better than nothing, I guess

Day two was supposed to be the same run as day one(1/1 10X). Didn't happen. I knew that the next step was 2 minute run and 1 minute walk so I tried to do 1:30 run. My lungs didn't like that. I ended up doing a brisk walk for 30 minutes. At least I did something. It took about an hour after I got home to get rid of the pain in my back and chest though. Yesterday was a "rest" day. I took advantage of that as I am going to be shaking my groove thing tonight and that is pretty good exercise.

I also have my doctors appointment today. I am not sure if I am looking forward to what the doctor has to say. I am almost 100% sure that I am going to have to start taking a daily med.
I know that I am limited to what I can use while nursing so I am hoping that there is something that will work that I can use. Especially since I am getting to the point that I don't want to nurse anymore. Yes, I know that is a conversation for another time.

I am going to be getting my running shoes tomorrow which I am looking forward to. Jolynn and I are going to have a girls afternoon for my birthday. I told Sean what I want for my birthday was to take Jolynn shoe shopping since hers are too small now. Then I remembered I needed shoes too, so that was a nice little bonus!

It begins

I have decided to run a half marathon on September 12th. This is a pretty big deal for me as I was never a runner. The last time I really ran was senior year of high school in gym class. I thought it would be a fun idea to track my progress and the inevitable weight loss and changes in eating habits and all the other stuff that comes along with running and a goal like this. I don't know if I will get to post daily but at least it will be a way for me to share my progress every so often. I am even going to post my starting weight.... 204. Okay, it is done. It can only go down from here right?

I started my pre-pre training last night. My first step is 3 Weeks to a 30-Minute Running Habit (about.com). I didn't realize how hard running for 1 minute could be. It was a 10 minute warm up walk, 10 sets of running for 1 minute and walking for a minute, then a 10 minute cool down. About half way through I didn't think that I was going to be able to finish. I am pretty proud of myself for getting through it. I think it was "set" 8 that I stopped running 10 seconds early. I wanted to be able to say that I did the whole workout so I added an extra 10 second on the next running set to make up for it.

I have a doctors appointment set for Friday to look at my asthma and I will be getting running shoes next week. I am really excited about this. Hopefully it will be a habit that sticks so I can have a healthier life and teach my children the same.